"I've had sex, and I've had three births and two abortions. So I know my body. But what I'm still not good at is creating physical closeness and finding a language for it. I want to change that now."

Having just left the addiction clinic, Christine Koschmieder is faced with a new challenge: until now, she has mostly had sex with the help of alcohol. But how can intimacy, love and sex be experienced without anesthesia? And where does her fear of closeness actually come from? From her biography, from our culture, or is it just there? At the age of 50, Christine Koschmieder embarks on an excursion into the "swampland of our soul". She visits friends, ex-lovers and a sex therapist. She questions herself and others about nudity and arousal, setting boundaries, pornography, OnlyFans and self-empowerment. She follows the traces that her relationships have left behind. In the end, her head knows almost everything, but her body doesn't yet. And then the real adventure of intimacy begins. (Publisher)